Until Death
by 6Dylan9
Summary: Love, lust, deception and decisions; when the past rips apart the lives of two people. -- Mainly Faith/Buffy, with some Faith/Angel though none graphic . Beginning of season 6.
1. Chapter 1

This fic is femslash (rated M) but there is also a relationship between Faith and Angel, though it will not be explicit. Please don't read if you don't like your Fuffy a little complicated :)

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Chapter One

Faint whispers of leaves rustling across hard stone and ruptured earth filtered through the darkness, tainting the otherwise silent night with an aching eeriness. It was almost too loud despite its faintness. Almost too intrusive. A graveyard shrouded in darkness and death; the scent of soil and musty old tombs leaving Faith with no doubt about her surroundings even though her eyes were shut and her heart lay dead in her chest.

Her heart still thudded with every beat, pushing blood through her veins around her body in a vain attempt to warm her skin, but the reason to beat - for anything other than the necessity to stay alive – was gone.

She'd been gone a long time for Faith, but this was the real kind of gone. The gone that meant never getting to see her with sorrow filled eyes again. Never getting to utter the words that had yearned to come out for years now. Words like sorry, and please. Words like. . .ones Faith had never said before, and never felt until her. Until Buffy.

Now Buffy was dead. A sacrifice for her sister. A true slayer 'till the end.

Faith stood at the foot of her grave with no tears to shed and no heart to feel the pain within. She read the name on the headstone over and over in her mind, and it was meaningless. She'd said it so many times. Hoped so many times to put everything right. Nothing made sense anymore, and as much as she wanted to throw herself onto the broken soil and weep. . .she couldn't. She didn't have the right.

"Are you ok?" Angel asked from behind Faith, his voice close, comforting.

"Yeah," Faith replied, barely a whisper above the breeze blowing through scattered leaves.

She wasn't ok – how could she be? But as much as he knew, he didn't know everything. He didn't know all her depths. Not yet.

"If only she'd asked for help," he said, stopping close behind Faith, his strong arms wrapping around her in a now familiar way. "Stubborn," he mumbled accusingly down at the grave.

"Slayer," Faith corrected him, placing her hands over his across her belly, forcing back the shudder his cold skin sometimes initiated.

She was used to his touch now, but when she was cold it didn't help to have even colder skin against her own. His arms and hands were always comforting, but never warming. Never quite. . .enough. It wasn't something she'd ever complain about – not after everything he'd done for her and everything they'd become. He was her saviour, her lover, her hope now that all other hope was gone. She could deal with icy skin in exchange for what he gave her.

He'd given her freedom – ensuring she had the best lawyer, the shortest sentence, a place to go to and grow. He'd given her a home, a job, a clear direction. She'd never have his love but she didn't want that. She'd never love him, and she also knew that he didn't want that either. They had something less fragile than love. They had something strong, open, safe. Their hearts would always be with the girl in the earth beneath their feet, but what they had left they shared with each other.

Maybe it was a morbid way to cling to their mutual love for Buffy; Faith didn't know. It didn't seem to matter and neither of them questioned it. She was fairly certain that Angel wasn't aware of just what her feelings for Buffy had been, but he wasn't stupid, and she wasn't naïve enough not to imagine he had thought about it. They'd just never spoken about it – choosing to ignore what lay under the surface and just live each day as it reared its ugly head to meet them.

They did that well – live each day. From job to job, demon to demon, night to night where they'd cling to each other, biting and scratching and fucking away the past. He would never lose his soul with her, and she'd never lose her heart with him. It worked for them both, and Faith saw no reason to analyze it further.

"Are you cold?" he asked as Faith shivered in her thin denim jacket.

There wasn't a cloud in the sky; a naked blanket of blackness dotted with a spatter of stars that flickered and shimmered at each other – communicating in code, sharing secrets of the universe between themselves. The breeze quickened and swept up strands of Faith's hair, sending them swirling over her face. She tried to tuck them back behind her ear but it was pointless; there was a storm coming.

"We should head back," Angel suggested when Faith didn't answer.

His arms slackened around her waist but she held them firm, keeping him pressed behind her as she leant on him, her eyes still fixed on the name chiselled in to the solid and stoic face of the stone before them.

"Just a little bit longer, big guy," she said quietly, standing firm.

She sensed him nod and he embraced her tighter. A faint smile slipped easily across her lips before it disappeared on the breeze now swirling around them.

They looked a strange sight; both dressed all in black, huddled close over a small grave that still looked fresh despite the fact it had been there for quite some time. Months in fact. Months that had slouched by, piled up, poked at Faith for ignoring for as long as she could the fact that Buffy was dead.

It wasn't until yesterday – until a vampire on one of their nightly patrols through LA had sliced open a long healed scar on Faith's stomach – that full realisation had hit. Watching the blood flow over her fingers like a sticky, congealed memory, Faith had grabbed at her stomach. As Angel continued to fight, Faith had slumped to the ground, to her knees; her chest straining to feel and her heart trying to remember. Only then – with an old scar open and sore – did she want to revisit the past. Only then did she decide she needed to see Buffy one last time.

Angel had agreed without hesitation – probably eager to say goodbye himself despite his resolution not to mull over what couldn't be changed. They didn't ask each other why, didn't feel any pangs of jealousy or fear of what awaited them in Sunnydale; they just waited for the sun to set and then drove in silence, listening to each bump of the road as it carried them closer.

There was no easy way to say goodbye, for either of them. Angel was sad, choosing not to talk, choosing just to hold and touch Faith as much as he could for some kind of comfort. For some kind of link. And Faith – sad wasn't the word. There was no word for what she felt deep down inside. It didn't sting, or burn, or tear at her. All that had come before; the last time she'd seen Buffy, the last time she heard the cold hate in her voice. No, there was no way to describe what Faith was feeling; it went beyond words. It went beyond pain, and regret.

"You loved her," Angel said after several more minutes slipped by.

It wasn't a question, but it didn't sound certain. Faith felt her heart flicker to life for just a beat, but it didn't last. She could never keep hold of the flicker long enough. It was always out of reach, and now it was too late. It didn't matter that she loved Buffy; it wouldn't do her any good now. It wouldn't matter if he knew.

"Yeah," she replied.

Once again she sensed him nod behind her.

"I was in love with her," Faith added, her voice devoid of emotion as her own words mocked her.

The shadows seemed to crawl closer; gathering up the ground as they bled out from every corner, every tree, every secret. She wasn't sure how he'd react to hearing her say it out loud. It was one thing to think something but it was another to have it sat out in the open. She wouldn't blame him for being angry at her. She'd done a lot of bad things to Buffy despite being in love with her; things that he didn't judge her for, but things that he expected her to atone for every day. How would he feel about her now, knowing that she'd hurt and hated in the name of love?

"Did she know?" he asked, his voice cracking ever so slightly. "I mean, were you two ever. . ."

"Are you seriously gonna ask me if Buffy and I ever got down and dirty?" Faith asked with a chuckle that cut through some of the tension.

He stammered and Faith felt the unease in his strong muscles as he moved against her. Through the months they'd been together the subject of Buffy rarely – if ever – came up. For months they'd sidestepped, ignored, and forgotten. This was new territory for them and though Faith realised now that they should have spoken about it all much sooner, there was still a big part of her that wanted to keep the secrets safe and hidden. There was no hiding from it now, though.

"I know you were both close at one point, before. . ."

"Before I went psycho and fucked it up," Faith interrupted.

She turned in his big arms, looking up into the guarded brown eyes that still held the warmth of life despite the fact that Angel was very much dead.

"We've never talked about this," he stated unnecessarily.

There had been good reason not to talk about it, but they couldn't avoid this forever. Faith could no longer avoid the stupidity of all she'd done – not that she hadn't steeped in it since the very first mistake.

"I was fine with ignoring it," she joked, giving him a half-hearted grin. "Not sure you really wanna know all the details anyway."

He furrowed his brow and seemed worried about what she meant, but his arms never left her, his body keeping close in a silent display of trust. There wasn't much to tell, but she doubted he'd be happy to know just how close Buffy had once come to falling for her charms before Finch, before every dark part of Faith had shredded her sanity.

The seeds of something – something tentative and subtle – had developed between her and Buffy before the mistake in the alley with Finch, and though Faith couldn't be certain where it had been headed. . .it had clearly been more than just friendship. She could remember every look, every touch, every almost that had just slipped from her grasp. It had never really been enough to start anything solid, but Faith knew Buffy had felt something. She knew when somebody was attracted to her and Buffy – though she'd tried to hide it as best she could – hadn't been very good at disguising that fact.

A few nights before Faith had killed Finch they'd been patrolling – tag-teaming the local vamps with Faith's trash talking and Buffy's wise cracks running freely. Their moves flowed in beautiful symmetry, instincts bouncing off one another like they'd been slaying together from day one. As if they were one. As if they were closer than they were.

Faith remembered that night with a wistful smile and a slow burn of regret. There was no going back, but every now and again she'd allow herself that memory. She'd rest in its inviting warmth and long lost promise.

Her mind drifted, back to that night. . .

"That was fun," Buffy squealed as she jumped down from a dusty old tomb, her stake twirling in her hand as vamp dust settled in her wake.

"Damn right it was," Faith agreed.

She grinned widely as she watched Buffy adjust her top back over her belly where it had slid up during the tumbling fight.

"Food now?" Buffy asked with a grin just as wide as Faith's.

She had pre-empted Faith's next thought and they both laughed, feeling giddy on the slaying, and giddy on the vibe they produced between them.

It was hard to ignore the vibe, and every night Faith swore it grew stronger. It pulled them together and sent them down the same path. Even through their differences it was clear that they worked well together; maybe because of their differences.

Buffy balanced Faith in a way that she needed. Though she pushed the boundaries and the strength of Buffy's comparative naivety and righteousness she never went too far. Buffy never allowed her that luxury and as frustrating as it could be. . .Faith was happy about that. She didn't want to break Buffy, she just wanted to bend her a little.

"I'm thinking hotdogs, then burgers. . .then pizza," Faith suggested as they tucked away their weapons and made their way out of the cemetery.

"Sounds like a plan," Buffy agreed. "I better call my mom and tell her. . .what?" Buffy stopped and stared at Faith with her question. "What are you shaking your head at?"

"You, princess," Faith informed her, still shaking her head. "So fucking whipped."

For a moment Buffy didn't seem to have an answer. Her mouth opened several times, but no sound came out.

"I'm not. . .how is that even. . ." Buffy spluttered. "It's my mom, I have to let her know I'm. . ."

"You're what? Done with playing in the park and now you're asking if it's ok to go have tea at your friend's house?"

"I wasn't gonna ask her anything, she just worries," Buffy whined, following Faith out through the large iron gates.

"Worries? You're a fucking slayer, B," Faith stated, as if that made everything just fine and dandy.

"Exactly," Buffy responded, hoping Faith would understand.

Faith shrugged and pushed her hands into her pockets as they headed towards the nearest diner.

"I don't get it, but whatever. . .my head can't think past the growlin' in my stomach. Might have to add pancakes to the list," Faith muttered.

They walked the rest of the way mostly in silence, Faith thinking about filling her belly with food, though her mind would wander to Buffy now and then. It was hard not to think of Buffy for too long. Faith had found an ally, a beacon in the dark, a friend. She wanted to hold on to her but was always afraid of messing it up. She tried to be what they all expected her to be – especially Buffy – but it wasn't easy. Now and then she'd falter, but Buffy was always lingering around her mind, pulling her back.

She felt like she could do anything by Buffy's side.

She could put up with the stinking motel. She could put up with Giles and his rules. She could even put up with the brand spanking new watcher they'd sent her. Weakly; that's what she called him in her head, though his name was actually Wesley.

Faith wasn't his 'cup of tea', and he sure as shit wasn't her idea of somebody she could rely on, but she was trying to be civil, for Buffy. For everything that she saw the 'Slayer' stand for as it shined from within Buffy.

It was her duty to do good, and Faith was damn well going to try and stuff her square peg in to that particular round hole.

"You can't blame her for worrying," Buffy finally said, breaking the silence as they entered the brightly lit diner.

They made their way towards the back, sliding on to faintly sticky, garish red plastic seats at the booth next to the window.

"Sure," Faith responded with another shrug.

"That's what moms do," Buffy said, giving her own little shrug by way of explanation.

"I wouldn't know," Faith stated, grabbing the menu and sliding it noisily across the table towards her.

Her mother wasn't the caring type. She wasn't about to cry a river over it, it was just a fact. One she'd come to terms with long before arriving in Sunnydale.

"Sorry," Buffy said quietly.

"No big," Faith replied with a short, sharp smile. "Now. . .let's fucking eat like fat kids about to go to fat camp."

Buffy raised her eyebrow with a questioning look but chose to just gaze at her menu, fingering each line even though she'd pick the same things she always did.

She never ate quite as much as Faith, but it was definitely more than just yogurt. It wasn't quite like that to begin with but it had taken only a short while for Buffy to catch on to Faith's idea that eating a large amount of food after slaying was immensely more satisfying than it was easy to imagine.

They ordered and began to eat, the sound of munching and crunching leaving little room for words. Faith was happy with that, she liked to concentrate on food when eating, though it was difficult to concentrate on anything but Buffy as she switched from delicately grazing on her fries to scarfing down two whole cheeseburgers in the space of just a few minutes.

"Wanna slow down there, Porky?" Faith asked, chuckling at Buffy with her own mouth full of food.

"Hey, you caused this so shut it," Buffy instructed, crumbs dropping from her mouth in a way that she'd never allow Willow or Xander to witness.

Faith feigned indignation, hand held to her chest as if her feelings had been mortally wounded. "Me?" she asked, her voice comically high as she mocked Buffy. "How exactly is you eating twice your own body weight every night my fault? I'm not the influential type."

Buffy narrowed her eyes, obviously not believing for one second that Faith actually thought that of herself. She was the master of manipulation. Or mistress in fact - but not in a kinky way.

"It just is your fault," Buffy stated by way of explanation.

Faith shook her head no.

"Nu-uh, not cutting it, B. Explain," she demanded.

Looking down at her now empty plate Buffy seemed reluctant to answer. Faith would swear she saw a hint of pink at Buffy's cheeks, but even her own lewd mind couldn't quantify that. Surely Buffy was only eating so much now because she saw that it had no effect on Faith's figure, despite the vast amount of food she ate. Surely it was because she felt a little more comfortable with revelling in the slaying after effects around Faith rather than around her friends.

Surely it had nothing to do with compensating for a whole different kind of appetite.

Faith raised an eyebrow as Buffy failed to hide a naughty little grin; something quite clearly crossing her mind as she thought of her answer.

Something was about to give.

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TBC…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"You two girls want anything more? We're about to close," a rather sullen looking waitress asked as she sidled up beside Buffy and Faith at their booth.

Slouching down into her seat at the interruption, Faith let go of the breath she had tried not to hold whilst figuring out what made Buffy tick. She had the overwhelming urge to act mean to the tired, luridly dressed waitress for stumbling in to what could have been the conversation that turned everything Faith's way.

It wasn't the waitress' fault, however, so Faith held her tongue. She knew Buffy didn't like it when she would get angry at people for seemingly no reason. It was hard for Faith to keep her cool; the tentative grip she had on her need to display outrage at everything and everyone in any kind of position of authority, or that irritated her in any way, was hard to keep in check. She had been trying to conform; it was just a bit hit and miss sometimes.

"No, thank you," Buffy replied, smiling at the waitress before she nodded and turned slowly to walk away.

Faith wanted to push the issue of Buffy's appetite, but the girl in question was busy hurriedly wiping her mouth on a napkin and shuffling out of the booth. Her eyes were looking everywhere but at Faith, giving Faith reason to be even more intrigued. There was no way she could just let this drop. Obviously something else was at play other than just the post slaying hungries. Maybe the hornies were also a factor. Maybe Buffy just couldn't ignore the possibility of being closer to Faith any longer.

Faith planned on finding out, but she had to be sly about it. Just coming out and asking wouldn't gain her the truth. Buffy would rather lie than outright admit anything Faith had ever joked with her about. And there had been plenty of jokes. Whenever the opportunity would arise, Faith made sure to make a rude remark or crude comment.

She enjoyed innuendo. And she enjoyed it most around Buffy.

There was a line Faith hadn't yet crossed, but the boundaries were blurring more and more. Buffy seemed ever more receptive to her little flirtations, and Faith couldn't deny that the encouragement felt good. She could feel herself slowly falling into a place of contentment. She'd never been to that place before; making do with whatever made her laugh or feel high for whatever fleeting time she experienced it. But happiness? That was something Faith wasn't sure truly existed.

Not too long after coming to Sunnydale Faith was certain that happiness didn't exist. Every time she'd seen it nearing in to view it had been snatched from her. Most recently by Kakistos, and then Angel as he'd walked back in to Buffy's life – and in to Faith's way.

She'd been getting closer to Buffy before he'd shown up again. Feeling that glimmer of happiness lifting the weight from her back, until Angel's shadow blocked her from its warmth.

Faith hated him.

Hated the fact he was all Buffy could talk about sometimes. All Buffy could think about. Until recently.

The last few days they'd slayed a lot together – without Angel. They'd grown closer again and more sure of each other. Faith felt like she could open up to Buffy once again. Not completely, but a little at least. A little was better than nothing, and Faith desperately wanted – and needed – somebody close that she could feel comfortable with. Somebody that could look at her and not just see all the bad parts.

She wasn't sure why, but Faith had an idea that Buffy was indeed now seeing more to her than most had the privilege of seeing. Faith wasn't all just about sex and leather, and flirting and fighting. She wanted Buffy to know that. She wasn't exactly sure why it was so important for Buffy to see it, but deep down Faith yearned for that kind of acceptance from Buffy. She needed her to care.

"So. . ." Faith said slowly as they made their way out of the diner, "you wanna do another quick sweep before heading home?"

Buffy gave her a puzzled look, but there was a smile mixed in with it. A smile so cute Faith almost told her right out about it.

"It's late," Buffy glanced at her watch. "Actually it's early. As in A.M early. Wow!"

"Surprised you've been having so much fun you didn't realize the time?" Faith asked with a slightly self-satisfied smirk.

"Actually. . .yes," Buffy chuckled. "Tonight's been fun. In fact, the last few nights have all been fun."

Now Buffy was smiling again, like she couldn't help herself. Like she wanted not to be but couldn't get her cheek muscles to obey.

A little light started warming Faith from the inside. It was that spark of happiness she wasn't used to and didn't really know what to do with. It felt strange, but good. It felt hopeful. She had the urge to gloat, and as much as she fought the urge as they wandered slowly down the street heading towards a place where they'd part ways to go home, Faith couldn't hold back.

"See, I knew you weren't just a vanilla girl," Faith said, her grin getting wider as she turned and started walking backwards so she could watch Buffy's face.

Buffy rolled her eyes, but the smile was still there.

"Face it, you like spending time with me," Faith stated proudly. "Can't get enough. Admit it."

Shaking her head at Faith's lack of humility, Buffy stopped walking, causing Faith to stop in front of her.

The streets around them were quiet and empty; shop windows sending their faint light out over the barren sidewalks. The soft glow wrapped around the two slayers as they listened to a moment of silence as their eyes sought for more information from each other. Information that told them what they were to each other, and what they could be.

"Ok," Buffy began, a slight tremble to her voice that would have gone unheard if it weren't for the eerie quiet around them, "I admit I like being with you. I mean. . .slaying with you, and yunno, the stuff afterwards."

Faith's eyebrows jigged up in to her hairline involuntarily. Buffy seemed caught in a moment of clarity and Faith hadn't quite been ready for it. Buffy normally didn't like revealing too much. She presented herself as being an open book, but Buffy was too difficult to read to ever be that. She was like an open book written in several different languages that Faith had probably never even heard of. The fact that Buffy was just offering up insight into her was. . .well it was definitely surprising.

There was no way Faith was going to lose her cool, however. She wasn't about to let Buffy know just how much her words actually meant. How much the insight made Faith's hope of some form of happiness – no matter how tentative – grow and flourish.

"Couldn't help but fall for my charms huh?" Faith joked, a cocky posture making her look more confident than she actually felt. "Knew they'd get you diggin' me in the end."

She gave Buffy a wink and expected Buffy to blush and then backtrack furiously.

"They. . ." Buffy paused, taking a slow breath as she regarded Faith. "They definitely did something," she finished quickly and quietly.

Whatever had been said, whatever had just passed between them, seemed to suddenly startle Buffy back to reality.

"But I should really get home now," Buffy pointed out, moving to walk around Faith to cross the street.

Faith couldn't let this opportunity slip by like any other. If she did, then it would get swept under the carpet. It would be forgotten about. The next day Buffy would act as if they'd never talked and everything was the same. But it couldn't be the same. Something was definitely different. The signs had been subtle, but getting more frequent. Nothing was certain or concrete, but Faith knew – she felt it right the way through her – that there was more to this than what was on the surface.

Buffy liked her. She _liked_ her liked her. There was no missing that, no matter how subtle it was.

"Yo, wait up there, Little Miss Tease," Faith said, putting her arm out in front of Buffy in order to stop her.

She didn't move the arm and Buffy didn't make her, though she gave it a look that could have been construed as a warning had it been under other circumstances.

"Tease?" Buffy asked, her face a picture of mock astonishment. "How am I a tease?"

If Faith answered truthfully then there would be no going back. If she didn't answer truthfully the moment would be gone, and they'd probably never get this opportunity again. At least that's what Faith felt.

"Don't play dumb, B," she pushed, encouraging Buffy to face her once again as she steered her with the hand now on Buffy's arm.

Once again Faith's arm was given a slight warning glare, but Faith once again didn't move it. She could practically feel Buffy's mind whirling backwards in order to refute that anything was going on or that she'd hinted at anything at all.

"I'm not playing anything," Buffy insisted. "Look, maybe you got the wrong idea when I just said. . ."

"That you liked being with me? Sure, totally sounds like I got something wrong, B," Faith mocked, inching closer as she dared to push the boundaries.

"Well you obviously did," Buffy said, getting irritated now because she'd been found out; her cover blown, her secrets exposed, and her walls irrevocably conquered. "I didn't mean it like. . .that," Buffy maintained, her eyes losing their way in Faith's as Faith held firm in her belief.

"Like what, B?" Faith asked, calling Buffy's bluff.

Buffy wrinkled her brow and glanced down uncomfortably at Faith's hand as it remained attached to her arm just below her elbow.

"Like. . .with, yunno," Buffy spluttered, "with attraction, or. . .other things."

Faith couldn't help but grin. She was more sure than ever now that Buffy was attracted, and all kinds of other things.

"So you are a tease then," Faith countered. "Saying stuff to make me think one thing, then taking it back."

She was half joking, finally pushing, testing how far she could go.

"Faith, you're making my brain hurt," Buffy groaned, pulling away from Faith's hand. "Whatever it is that you think this is. . .you're wrong."

She tried to sound sure but Faith could see right through it. Stepping down off the curb to follow Buffy a little further than normal, Faith couldn't hold back her chuckle.

"Can't take it back, Buffy," Faith stated. "I'm on to you."

Finding it hard to hide her mirth, Faith practically skipped up beside Buffy as Buffy picked up the pace, hoping to make it home before she made her feelings even more obvious.

"You're on to nothing," Buffy insisted.

As much as it sounded like Buffy was getting mad, Faith could tell she wasn't. She knew what angry Buffy looked like. She knew what she felt like too; Faith had received enough punches and kicks via Buffy for that feeling to be imprinted into her mind, and probably many other parts of her body too.

"Dude, you so dig me," Faith laughed confidently.

"I so do not," Buffy countered, sighing in frustration.

"So do."

"Do not," Buffy insisted.

As Buffy shook her head in irritation, Faith felt like all the little pieces to possible happiness were gathering; ready to slot together to give her the picture perfect idea of what she hoped feeling truly content looked like.

It was so close. Buffy was close to letting go. Even though she was saying no, her body, her face, everything but her words were saying yes.

A little more charm, a little more pushing and Faith would get what she wanted.

"Hey, I totally get why you're into me, B. No need to be embarrassed," Faith said eagerly, ignoring Buffy's eye-roll. "I got a bangin' body and know how to show you a good time with it."

Buffy coughed as she took a breath, spluttering in order to deny the fact that Faith was right.

"What?" Buffy practically yelped. "I'm not. . .that's not even. . ."

She couldn't get the words out but she didn't need to, Faith could see the blush even though Buffy was trying to avoid eye contact. She could sense that she was right; it ran right through her like a tingle. Almost like the slight tingle she'd get around Buffy normally, but more obvious. More pleasant.

"Faith, we are not having this conversation. Not now. Not ever," Buffy insisted as she stopped at the mouth of a very dark alley, turning to face Faith and point at her in the hope of proving how serious she was.

"Too late, we just did," Faith responded.

Buffy seemed completely exasperated; unable to refute the obvious as Faith stood grinning before her.

"I mean it, Faith," Buffy said, talking softer now, a pleading look on her face. "We can't talk about this. It's. . .it's pointless."

It didn't feel pointless to Faith, however, and she doubted it was exactly pointless to Buffy. It may have been scary for her, but not pointless. And Faith was in too deep already to just let it go.

"It's not pointless," Faith assured, also speaking softer; trying to curb the natural cockiness inside her. "Nothing wrong with wantin' something."

Buffy paused at that, her eyes looking deeper in to Faith's than Faith felt completely comfortable with. Was this the moment Buffy forgot about Angel, forgot about how she was meant to be and chose just to be? Was this the moment Faith had been hoping for since first meeting the annoyingly alluring slayer before her?

"Slayer sandwiches all round, fellas," came a gruff voice from within the alley beside them.

Buffy pulled a surprised though somewhat relieved face and they both turned to look in to the shadows, just as three rather big, rather orange, and rather smelly demons lunged out from behind a stack of boxes.

"Oh, thank God!" Buffy exclaimed, obviously grateful for the well timed interruption.

Faith sighed and pulled her hands in to tight fists, ready to beat some demon face to a pulp for interrupting a pinnacle moment.

The demons were big and ugly but they'd dealt with plenty of big and ugly in their short time slaying together; she doubted they would have much trouble against these three. Though their smell was beginning to make Faith's eyes water.

"Yo, seriously, is there a demon handbook someplace that tells you guys not to shower?" Faith asked as she sidestepped a sudden, clumsy swipe at her midriff.

The demon trying to grab her leg grunted and wiped at his nose. A large nose that was oozing orange slime.

"Oh gross," Faith complained, punching him in the head just as Buffy sent one demon merely stumbling backwards with a powerful kick. "Let's waste these things before we get slimed."

"On it," Buffy assured.

"You're both on the menu, but who wants to be dessert?" One of the demons asked with an obnoxious guffaw.

The slayers quickly arranged themselves into their usual fighting formation and Faith calculated which demon was the bigger of the three, which was faster, and which was most likely to explode into a icky pile of goop with the first punch. She watched as Buffy grabbed the largest demon, smirking to herself because Buffy always liked to make sure Faith knew she was the better slayer. That particular fact was currently in dispute, but they'd both decided it was pointless fighting amongst themselves about it. It was better venting on the local gallery of monsters and vamps and proving it by body-count than bruising each other up.

As Buffy slammed the big demon into the snot-nosed demon, Faith caught the other one with a series of blows to the head. Her fists sticky with whatever it was they were excreting, she soon discovered that they weren't quite as squishy as they looked.

"Um, B? You feel like leaving these guys to munch on the locals so we can take off?" she yelled over a cacophony of snarls and grunts.

There were in fact no 'locals' around, but Faith was confident that three hungry demons could find some soon enough. She didn't much feel like being dinner. Being eaten by Buffy was one thing - and a hell of a nice thought - but being eaten by anything else. . .well it didn't hold much charm.

As she became temporarily distracted by the thought of Buffy and eating, and Buffy eating her in particular, Faith tumbled to the floor. She hadn't tripped however; no, this was due to the fact Buffy had been flung her way like a rag doll, sending them both to the ground with a solid thud.

"Ugh!" Buffy huffed. "Bony much?"

Buffy rubbed at her back where Faith's knee had collided with it, trying to regain composure so the demons didn't get too much of an advantage.

"I dunno, heavy much?" Faith retorted.

She too scrambled to her feet, but just as Buffy was about to take a swing at the largest demon he flicked out his foot, right in to Faith's head. She crashed back down to the floor, cursing at the pain. While Buffy was distracted by the other two – pummelling one whilst being pummelled by the other – Faith found herself underneath what felt like precisely six tons of stinky demon flesh.

"Well fuck if this doesn't feel like the night I lost my virginity," she jibed as he writhed on top of her trying to get her to stop wriggling so he could lower his head and take a bite.

Buffy's head whipped her way, eyes wide as she looked down at Faith as she struggled. She had no words, and apparently not very much in the way of concentration either.

Once again Buffy was hurled backwards, colliding with the wall of the alley they were now scuffling in. She cried out in pain as her back hit the brickwork, but something obviously snapped within her that wasn't made of bone. A snarl distorted her face and she executed a series of spins and kicks, punches and jabs, and whatever else she could throw at the other two demons as Faith remained struggling on the floor.

Vile smelling liquid dripped onto Faith's arms and torso as the demon on top of her insisted on continuing to attempt to devour her. She held him back just far enough to keep his sharp teeth from finding flesh, but her arms were growing weaker by the second. He was too heavy to move, and obviously too hungry to notice that his fellow demons were now squirming in agony on the floor.

But he certainly noticed the flying kick that eventually sent him spinning off Faith.

"About time, slowpoke," Faith grumbled, rolling away from the demon as he got to his feet and bared his teeth at them both.

Buffy didn't send a witty retort Faith's way as per usual, instead offering Faith her hand so she could get up as quickly as possible. She looked almost concerned for Faith, which she normally didn't when they were slaying. Faith wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, if she liked it or not. Maybe the conversation they'd been having had changed something. Maybe this was Buffy's way of showing Faith that she was right after all.

Whatever the reason for Buffy's unusual silence at Faith's ungainly struggle, Faith wasn't about to bring it up just yet. They still had the one remaining fangy, orange lump to deal with first.

"Well, I can see that maybe you're not quite the meal we'd hoped for," he sputtered through congealed saliva. "But let us leave you with a parting gift."

Before either Buffy or Faith could stop him he ripped off what looked like a razor sharp scale from his thigh, flinging it towards Faith and sending globs of orange blood left and right along with it. She soon found out that it indeed was razor sharp.

"Fucking, mother fucker!" she cried as the makeshift blade sliced into her torso.

It was a glancing blow, ripping her top and the skin beneath as the blade whizzed by. Only her own razor sharp instincts – causing her to flinch away from the fast moving projectile - ensured the thing wasn't now buried somewhere within her abdomen.

Faith grabbed at her side to deter the bleeding as Buffy looked from the wound to the demon and back again. The snarl was back and Faith almost felt sorry for the demon. He was about to regret ever even thinking about detaching bits of himself to throw at unsuspecting slayers.

"You so didn't wanna do that," Buffy chided.

She lunged forward towards him but he was fast despite his size. Dodging her attack, he managed to grab both of his friends and pull them to their feet. They were off running back down the alley without so much as a glance behind.

Buffy took a few strides, appearing to want to follow them, but Faith was too busy bleeding on the sidewalk to want to embark on a jog around town looking for a repeat performance. She was done for the night. As much as she hated letting the enemy go – any enemy – she was in need of stitches, and possibly a chemical peel in order to get the slime off her skin.

"Let it go, B," Faith said regretfully. "I'm all kindsa oozing here, and some of it ain't my ooze."

Buffy turned back towards her, the snarl replaced with a look of concern. Faith was beginning not to like that look. She didn't like pity. And she didn't like feeling like less of a slayer than Buffy either – especially if it was Buffy making her feel that way.

"We'll get the bastards tomorrow," Faith assured. "Gonna rip that fucker a new one."

"You won't be ripping anything if we don't get that seen to," Buffy pointed out, getting close to Faith and staring at the blood creeping from between her fingers. "We might have to go see Giles. There's gunk and demon blood all mixed in."

She pointed at Faith's now stinging side, but Faith wasn't about to go trailing all the way over to Giles' house to clean up something she could do herself, in the uncomfortableness of her own crappy home.

"I'm just gonna get my ass home, pour a shit load of bleach in this fucker and drink a bottle of whatever the fuck I have lying around. It'll be cool," Faith asserted, her shit-eating grin doing nothing to inhibit the pain currently causing her to lean to one side.

"Right, because pouring bleach into a wound is the smart thing to do," Buffy contested sarcastically. "If you don't want to go see Giles, then I'm coming home with you."

Faith raised an eyebrow and shook her head. She wasn't in the mood for a pity party. Any other kind of party sure; no gaping wound that was probably showing the world her inner most inner-mosts would stop Faith from partying hard, but she didn't want to give Buffy an excuse to look down on her.

"Nah, it's cool," Faith insisted. "I'll be five by five."

Buffy chuckled and shook her head.

"Whatever the hell that means, I don't care. I'm coming home with you and making sure you don't end up pouring alcohol on your stomach and drinking the bleach, now quit whining and come on before I change my mind and throw you over my shoulder to take you to Giles."

Faith opened her mouth to protest, but Buffy obviously wasn't willing to listen as she started walking back towards the motel.

"Hey!" Faith protested a little too weakly. "I don't need your help, or your pity, B. I got taken down and I'll deal with the consequences."

But Buffy wasn't listening.

"Don't make me pick you up," Buffy warned, glancing over her shoulder at Faith as Faith followed slowly behind.

Maybe Buffy wasn't pitying her at all, Faith thought. She wasn't even sure what was worse; pity, or Buffy seemingly not caring enough to even take it slow as they made their way through the empty streets. Pity didn't seem so bad given the prospect of trying to keep up with Buffy as she marched them to the motel. The pain was itching and burning at Faith's gaping flesh. Maybe the bleach idea wasn't so dumb after all.

"Give a slayer a break and slow down," Faith grumbled, clutching at her stomach as she followed.

Buffy stopped and took a breath. She seemed like she wanted to do something, or say something. . .but that something was obviously not a something she wanted to share right now. After taking another heavy breath that made Faith feel like all kinds of a burden, Buffy closed the distance between them and snuck her arm carefully around Faith.

Neither of them spoke, and Buffy allowed Faith to lean in to her as they crossed the street, heading round the corner towards the bright lights of the rundown hovel Faith liked to call home.

Despite the pain in her side and the worrisome amount of blood escaping, Faith couldn't help but breathe in deep and relish the intoxicating scent of the girl beside her.

Happiness always came at a price.

* * *

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Angel held Faith's hand; small within big. She used to pull away when he did that, but after a while she grew to accept it, and to like it. If she was attached to him then she was grounded. If she kept hold then she wouldn't float away on the many memories that troubled her, and thoughts that tempted her. Angel helped her stay where she needed to be.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Angel asked as they strolled slowly away from the grave they'd come to see – to see for themselves that Buffy was really gone.

"Not exactly," Faith replied, giving his hand a squeeze.

She knew he wouldn't push her, but sometimes he could sense when she needed a little coercing so she'd open up instead of brood about whatever was troubling her. And he knew all about the brooding thing; the guy practically had trophies in it.

"It wouldn't upset me, Faith," he told her, the slight tremor to his voice clearly indicating otherwise. "Me and Buffy were. . ."

"Romeo and fucking Juliet," Faith pointed out, with only the slightest of grimaces. "No way are you gonna be happy with me telling you how much I wanted her way back, when she was still your girl."

The leaves sprung up and floated away as they stepped through them across the path. A lone bench offered them a place to sit and just be for a while so they headed towards it, the hairs on the back of Faith's neck bristling as she struggled not to keep turning around to read Buffy's name on the small headstone. Every muscle in her body wanted her to turn around and throw herself over the chiselled stone, as if she could hold onto Buffy that way. As if she could keep from trembling just by being near.

"I was going to say we were complicated," Angel continued, resting down on the bench as Faith took a seat beside him.

With her hand remaining in his, Faith gave Angel an arched eyebrow that he had no trouble seeing even in the shadows they were currently enveloped within.

"That sounded pretty lame, huh?" he asked, knitting his thick eyebrows together.

"Didn't exactly cover all the bases either," Faith indicated. "You were a lot more than just complicated."

"Yeah," he agreed – voice soft and barely audible over the quickening breeze.

"That's it? Just. . .yeah?" Faith mocked "That's all you gotta say about the love of your life, the girl of your dreams? Hell, the girl that fucked out your soul?"

She hadn't meant to sound quite so bitter, but her emotions were trying to find steady ground, and though she'd had practice at swallowing down her jealousy and rage it was still there somewhere. Underneath the recent changes in her life and how she dealt with her conflicts and trauma, she was still a fighter. She was still volatile. Still Faith.

Angel hung his head, the darkness to his eyes glistening with the hint of yellow as he fought his own emotions.

"Sorry," Faith said quietly, removing her hand from his and placing it on his sturdy shoulder. "Me an' my big mouth."

"No," he responded, shaking his head. "You're right."

"I am?"

"It took a long time for me to accept that what I had with Buffy was. . .impractical. And dangerous," he said. "And I never really allowed myself to remember what I felt. It was better to push it down."

"I hear ya," Faith chipped in. "Done a lot of that myself, especially over. . .her," she said, reluctant to say Buffy's name out loud.

He chuckled and shook his head, running a hand through his thick hair and taking an unnecessary breath.

"We probably shouldn't care and share over this," Angel said after a moment's silence. "It's like opening a can of worms and throwing them over each other. I'm not a fan of worms; they like to burrow in places that. . ."

"Yeah, gonna stop ya there, big guy," Faith interrupted, giving his shoulder a pat. "The less I know about what the hell's been inside you, the better. I mean, I got those wicked crazy dreams about you an' Spike after that story you told me one time, and that's enough."

"It wasn't like that," Angel contested, his brow furrowed even more than usual. "I told you, Spike and I were just. . ."

"Doing what Darla wanted? Yeah I know, you told me a hundred times, but I still don't believe you both chickened out – or at least my dreams don't believe it," she stated. "It gets kinda mixed up in here." She indicated her head and gave him a shrug.

"I don't think we should share about that either," he suggested.

Faith gave him a quick smile and rested back against the hard wood of the bench, moving her hand down to rest on his thigh. The sky had a spattering of cloud now and it was moving at a rate that threatened rain. She could see the black daubs of a thunderstorm in the distance, and there was the faint sensation of electricity heading towards them.

When she was younger Faith would run out into a storm so she could dance in the rain and jump at every strike of lightning. It thrilled her and scared her all at once, but not the kind of scared that her daddy used to invoke. At least the fear of lightning came with no bruises. She had control of that fear. She went out and faced that fear head on instead of cowering away from it within her wardrobe.

"It's going to rain," Angel said as he too looked up at the sky.

"There's a storm that way."

Faith nodded towards the horizon and shivered. She didn't normally feel the cold this much, but being back there; being back with the past she'd tried to understand and atone for made her feel thinner, smaller, weaker. Snuggling into Angel's side, Faith ignored the fact he offered no actual warmth. What he offered far outweighed body heat. He offered a space she could rest, a place she could call home and feel safe. A chance to know something other than heartache or hurt.

"Maybe we should go," Faith said, sounding far from ready to leave.

"We can stay until the rain comes," Angel responded tenderly.

He moved his arm to gather Faith up underneath it, pulling her further into his side as they watched the clouds approach. Faith tried to stay in the moment and let the past rest in the ground with Buffy, but the recesses of her heart wouldn't give up those memories. A small tear glistened in the moonlight as it rolled down her cheek. She'd been within reach of something special with Buffy at one point, but now it was just a dream long since past.

It was just a faded photograph in her mind. . .

As the door slammed itself shut, Buffy sat Faith down on her unmade bed and glanced around the small motel room, her hands now on her hips.

"No need to say it," Faith said as she gritted her teeth against the pain. "I need to clean this mess up."

"Well the words sty and pig certainly come to mind."

Faith watched as Buffy turned back towards her; peeling her gaze away from the turmoil of scattered clothes, empty Pepsi cans, pizza boxes and other random debris to finally look at where Faith was still grasping her shallow wound.

"Is there any hope of finding something to treat that with in here?" Buffy asked.

"Bathroom," Faith answered, pulling her hands away slowly and shifting her torn shirt out of the way.

"Ok, well you. . ." Buffy paused as Faith tugged off her bloody shirt and tossed it aside. "You. . .should probably. . ."

A small smirk drifted over Faith's lips as she clearly caught Buffy staring at her cleavage as she sat there in her small, black bra.

"I should do what?" Faith asked, dropping her tone a little so her voice took on a sexy burr. "I should take more off?"

She slipped her thumb under a strap of her bra and began to tug it down as Buffy's eyes went wide and her hands shot out, waving for Faith to stop.

"No!" Buffy yelped. "Definitely not that."

"Why not?" Faith questioned. "If you're not into me like that. . .what does it matter? I could lie here naked and you wouldn't even notice right? Unless you _are _into me like that and it'd get you all hot 'n'. . ."

"No, none of those things," Buffy exclaimed, lifting a hand to her forehead as if she were about to pass out. "Just keep the rest of your clothes on and I'll go get something to clean you up with."

Faith just nodded and watched Buffy stumble over some sneakers as she made her way into the bathroom. Taking a glimpse down at her wound she, was happy to see it already starting to mend. The problem was all the gunk and goo that was still in and around it. She didn't want gross demon bacteria roaming about inside her, and she doubted there were antibiotics that could cope with orange, slime demon germs.

"Whadya think those things were?" Faith shouted towards the rummaging noises in the bathroom. "Never seen demons like that before."

Shuffling backwards onto the bed, Faith kicked off her boots and rested back against her pillows, being careful to keep her wound from seeping onto anything she didn't actually _want_ to burn. She positioned herself so Buffy would be able to sit on the side of the bed and still get to her, but the night and the belly full of food was beginning to get the better of her. Despite the fact she was still feeling the horny tingles that came after slaying, Faith was wiped. She closed her eyes just for a little while as she waited for Buffy to stop clattering around.

When she opened them again she found Buffy partially lying beside her asleep; her head above Faith's on the pillow, and her body sitting more upright than Faith now was.

Faith rubbed at her eyes and wondered how long she'd dozed off for, and how the hell she'd managed to keep dozing once Buffy had come back into the room. A quick look down at her abdomen made it obvious that Buffy had cleaned up her injured side and placed a tentative dressing over it. She had no clue how she'd slept through that; surely it must have hurt when Buffy had been wiping at it. She must have done it so gently, doing her best not to wake her.

Almost completely holding her breath, only letting air in and out slowly so she didn't start breathing all heavy, Faith just looked at Buffy for a moment. She watched as a thin strand of loose hair danced up and down as Buffy's breaths blew over it. Faith very slowly reached up and allowed the blonde hair to lie over the back of her fingers as she pushed it up and back into place, or out of the way of Buffy's nose at least.

Her hand lingered, wanting to touch Buffy, to run her fingers through streaks of blonde, or feel the soft skin of her cheek, but Faith pulled away. She didn't want to startle her or make a silly mistake. She couldn't be sure why Buffy had allowed her to keep sleeping as she'd tended to her, but whatever the reason, Faith sure as hell wasn't about to make Buffy take a backwards step by being too forward herself. Though she desperately wanted to lift her face up towards Buffy's so she could graze her lips over the mouth she'd dreamed about since first catching sight of it, Faith didn't move. She didn't dare to move.

A little while later, after Buffy had slipped down the bed just a fraction and Faith had risked inching closer, she realised she should probably wake Buffy. Her mom was expecting her home, and she didn't exactly feel like dealing with the consequences of letting Buffy piss Joyce off. Plus, she was getting cramp in her right thigh as it lay pressed under her other leg and the slight weight of the hand Buffy had placed on her about ten minutes earlier. Of course, Faith had been quite happy letting Buffy slide a hand over her until it rested just under her hip – even though her body had tried to react in ways that had Faith now all kinds of slippery between her thighs – but she needed to move. Unfortunately, she doubted she'd be able to move without stirring Buffy.

Taking one last look at Buffy's sleeping face, Faith tried to remember every detail. She doubted they'd ever be this close again so her brown eyes swept over Buffy's relaxed expression, memorising the cute curve of her lips and the shape of her nose, the little point to her chin, the gentle arch of her eyebrows and shape of her eyes as they began to blink open.

Just managing to contain a gasp of panic as Buffy started waking up, Faith slammed her own eyes shut and pretended she was still asleep. Expecting Buffy to quickly realise her position and yank her hand away, then bound from the bed, she held herself stiff. But Buffy didn't yank or bound. In fact, she didn't move for several more minutes and Faith wondered if maybe she'd fallen back to sleep again.

She was just about to open her eyes to check if Buffy was awake or not, when Buffy's hand on her moved ever so slightly, up towards Faith's hip. Gentle fingers dusted over Faith's side, almost causing her to squirm under the soft touch. She held still, but her breathing was beginning to get a little erratic and she knew it wouldn't be long until a moan escaped her lips, and that would definitely freak Buffy out. Trying her best not to react, she wondered if Buffy still had her eyes closed, or if they were open and gazing at Faith's almost naked torso.

Faith wanted to know. She wanted to see what was in those green eyes that always made her tremble inside when they softened for her. She wanted to know what Buffy was thinking and feeling, if anything. Maybe Buffy was sleep touching or something. Maybe she was just. . .preparing to tickle the hell out of Faith. Her hand was certainly in the right place for a large case of tickle, but the only tickling seemed to be unintentional as Buffy's fingers barely touched as they stroked over her skin.

Faith's ability to stay pretend-asleep slipped; she let out a shaky breath and shuddered under Buffy's caress as it strayed yet further up her side towards the material of her bra.

The fingers stopped moving and Faith allowed her eyes to slowly open. When she glanced up they caught each other's gaze and Buffy looked almost transfixed, as if in a daze. Not knowing what to do or say, Faith yawned and began to stretch. The stretching caused Buffy's hand to slip to her stomach and another shudder from Faith made it blatantly obvious what it was doing to her.

As quick as she probably could without looking like a complete spaz, Buffy snatched her hand away and sat up. She acted confused for a moment, and sleepy, but Faith was sure now that Buffy had been awake for several minutes at least. She'd just been lying there, touching her. It would have been weird and creepy if Faith wasn't into her and actually wanting to be touched.

"When did I fall asleep?" Buffy asked, rubbing at her eyes and then pulling her ponytail tighter where it had begun to fall out.

"I could ask you the same thing," Faith mumbled.

She watched Buffy from her position still resting on the pillows as Buffy swung her legs around, placing her feet on the floor so she was perched on the edge of the bed. Buffy couldn't see Faith and didn't turn around, possibly feeling a tad awkward, and Faith was happy not to bring up the obvious.

Of course, if she had any real guts she would ask Buffy about where her hand had just been, and about why she'd practically curled up beside her on the bed in the first place. But Faith didn't ask, and she wanted to kick herself for being too scared. She was fairly certain Buffy wanted more than just a friendship, but Faith's lips remained closed and she let Buffy stand up from the bed even though every inch of her wanted to pull her back down and kiss her – until neither of them were scared about this any more.

"You were asleep when I came back in," Buffy said softly, straightening out her clothes and turning to look at Faith. "I tried to wake you but. . .the snoring drowned me out."

Faith raised an eyebrow and wondered if Buffy had really tried to wake her, or if she'd enjoyed the fact that she'd been out of it so she could ogle her goodies, all in the name of cleaning up her wound.

"You tried to wake me?" Faith asked, hoping to see the lie on Buffy's face.

"I did," Buffy replied, looking down and covering her face with her arm as she pretended to play with her still wonky ponytail. "But you were just. . .really. . .peaceful, and I didn't wanna make you grumpy."

With a disbelieving nod, Faith thought about how far she could push Buffy until she got irritated and just came out with the truth. Either that or until she told Faith to back off as she ran as fast as she could away from her, never to be seen again.

Yeah, it was probably safer not keep asking questions.

"You did a pretty good job on this," Faith told her, indicating the bandaged wound, changing the subject and once again wishing she could take herself outside and give herself a good kicking for being so chicken shit.

She had no idea when she'd become so afraid of being who she'd always been. Before Sunnydale – or before Buffy – she'd say what she wanted, when she wanted, and damn the consequences. She still had some of that in her, and there was no doubting that she was more upfront than Buffy, but she was still holding back. Faith was caught between prodding at Buffy with the truth, and watching her step as she walked on a whole farmyard of egg shells.

"You winced a few times but I tried to. . .yunno, not hurt you," Buffy said, sounding embarrassed.

Her ponytail now back in place and her clothes all arranged back to how they were meant to be, it left Buffy with nothing to fidget with as she did her damndest not to look in Faith's direction. It was suddenly getting very awkward and Faith could see why. She was lying on her bed with no shirt on. The bed they'd both just been sleeping together on whilst practically canoodling. Awkward wasn't quite a strong enough word.

When Buffy's gaze finally did creep up to greet Faith, there was a subtle hint of pink to her cheeks that made Faith wish she could be just that little bit braver.

"I should probably go," Buffy said in a rush after neither of them spoke for what felt like an eternity.

"Yeah it's. . ." Faith glanced over at her clock as she shuffled to the edge of the bed. "Damn, we slept for over an hour. Your mom's gonna be so pissed."

"Thanks for unnecessarily pointing out the obvious."

"Hey, that's what I'm here for," Faith retorted, giving Buffy a wink.

"That and being demon fodder," Buffy said, pointing to Faith's side. "Speaking of which, make sure you clean it again soon. I got as much orange stuff out as I could, but you might wanna try yourself."

"Oh great, I've got slime all inside me an' you're runnin out on me," Faith jibed, sitting on the edge of the bed now. "This thing could sprout something."

"Like an orange tree?"

"Like another fucking arm, or a little baby head with fangs, or. . .maybe we shoulda gone to see Giles," Faith stated, getting herself worked up over something she'd dealt with many times before.

In truth, it wasn't the wound, or the leftover demon gunk that was making her crazy, it was this situation with Buffy; always being afraid of saying the wrong thing, or doing the wrong thing. She didn't want to screw up what they had, and even if Buffy was showing signs of wanting what Faith did she wasn't sure enough. She wasn't quite at the point where she could just come right out and say it. Hell, she probably never would be, and that just made her even more crazy.

"Do you wanna call him?" Buffy asked slowly, clearly hoping Faith said no.

Scratching at her head and then running a hand through her thick, dark hair to straighten it out a little, Faith shrugged.

"Nah, it's too late now I guess," she answered. "I'll have him check it tomorrow. . .just as long as I'm not some kinda mutant by then."

"Well look on the bright side," Buffy began, turning and heading to the exit. "If you grow another arm you'll be able to slay twice as efficiently."

"Yeah, and I'd also be able to kick your butt twice as. . .wait, twice?" Faith queried. "You're way worse at math than I thought."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at Faith. "It's not one of my strong points, but hey, at least I'm still in school so I can learn more, unlike some people."

"I could still be in school if I wanted," Faith stated confidently as she rose from the bed and moved closer to Buffy as she lingered by the door. "I just don't wanna, and why the fuck are we talking about school?"

"You brought it up," Buffy accused.

"No I didn't, and even if I did I'm just tryin' to avoid saying anything stupid or tellin' you exactly how I fee. . ." She stopped talking abruptly as Buffy's face noticeably paled.

The sudden silence hit them like a sledgehammer and their eyes locked; one girl daring the other to let her finish, and one pleading for the world to open up and swallow her.

"I'm gonna go," Buffy said, each word coming slower and quieter than the last.

Looking away so Buffy didn't see the disappointment in her face, Faith nodded. She was biting her tongue and forcing herself to keep quiet. All the wishing and hoping she'd done to be braver seemed to have paid off in this moment and she was so ready just to tell Buffy, but she knew she couldn't. Not really.

"Be careful with that cut," Buffy said when Faith failed to talk any further.

"Yeah."

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

Buffy stepped out onto the long wooden porch of the building, the door handle still in her grasp. She was taking her time leaving, and Faith was desperately trying to avoid looking into her eyes one last time that night. She failed when Buffy said goodbye just before turning to walk down the steps.

"Buffy," Faith said, her brown eyes burning with the intensity of a night's slaying and months of want and desire. She placed her hand over Buffy's on the door handle. "You sure you wanna go?"

Taking a quick glance down at Faith's hand, Buffy sighed, then the green of her eyes hit Faith's and she gave a small nod.

"I have to," she said. "I'm sorry."

She gradually pulled her hand out from underneath Faith's and made her way down the steps and out to the street, walking as if she were forcing herself not to look back.

If she had looked back, Faith wouldn't have let her walk any further. She would have bounded down the steps and taken Buffy in her arms, kissing her until all Buffy could feel was Faith. Until all she wanted was Faith.

Buffy never looked back.

* * *

TBC…


End file.
